Protecting Hate
by taleof2
Summary: A number comes up that Reese doesn't want to protect. Finch and Carter convince him to change his mind against his better judgment and the fallout is overwhelming.
1. Chapter 1

_Well I figured I'd tackle an actual case this time but don't worry there will still be plenty of John/Joss to sink into. I hope you like this one as much as Intentions. Either way please read and review, it really helps us writers stay motivated. I don't know how long this is going to go but I hope you enjoy the ride with me!_

Chapter 1

Although it was barely past dawn, Finch was not surprised to find Reese glaring at the computer screen when he entered the library drinking his usual cup of tea. He had intentionally left a password Reese could figure out but it only allowed him access to surveillance footage of Fusco and Carter.

Every since Detective Carter accepted a date invitation from a Narcotics officer who had been sniffing around John had been slightly agitated and snappy to everyone especially Carter. Since the date occurred the previous night, Finch figured Reese would beat him to work to review Carter's surveillance file. From the scowl on his face, it appeared the date went well.

"Good morning Mr. Reese," Finch said startling John as he quickly closed the file he was looking at and stood from the desk.

"Finch," Reese acknowledged as he gave his boss a quick glance and walked over to a chair on the other side of the room and sat.

Harold saw the poorly concealed anger in the brief eye contact but more importantly he sensed the hurt underneath.

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel," Finch asked tentatively not sure how Reese would respond?

John fixed an icy, cold, emotionless glare at Finch. He opened his mouth to respond but no words came out so he just closed his eyes, took a deep breath and leaned back into the chair.

Reese was trying his best to reign in his emotions. None of the C.I.A. techniques seemed to be working. He couldn't explain to himself why Carter going on a date made him so angry so how could he explain it to someone else? He knew their connection was tenuous at best but it was vital to him and her opinion meant more to him than anything. She was such a good person, she deserved someone equal to her moral fiber but selfishly he had to admit he wanted her for himself.

They had been shamelessly flirting with each other for months but it never went beyond that. Sometimes he got the feeling she was waiting on him to make a move but he always convinced himself that was just wishful thinking on his part. Jocelyn Carter would never be interested in someone like him whose past was littered with questionable homicides and present involved saving lives by any means necessary often with disregard to the law she coveted.

The officer had been a gentleman. He'd opened doors for her, entertained her during dinner indicated by her constant smiles and moments of outright laughter. Watching the replay had been tough, he wanted to be the only man to make her laugh like that. John recognized he didn't deserve her but it didn't make it hurt any less. He dreaded watching the conclusion of the date at Carter's doorstep but he couldn't turn away. The officer had kissed her gently on the cheek, told her he had a great time and he hoped they could get together again soon. Jocelyn had agreed and entered her home alone where there were no cameras. He wondered if she'd rejoiced behind the door and a fury from his past started creeping through his system when Finch had interrupted him with his entrance.

"She deserves to be happy," Reese said not opening his eyes.

"So do you Mr. Reese," Finch said as he sat and began pounding away at his computer.

Reese opened his eyes and stared intently at Finch's back. He still didn't know how to take Harold at times. He knew he could trust him which was a feat for him because he'd learned over and over never to trust anyone. For a long time he thought he was just an asset to Finch but when he got shot by Snow, Finch had risked his own neck to save him. Since then Finch had proven time and time again that John was not expendable and he cared for his well-being.

Harold had become his friend which was a strange thing for John for he hadn't experienced that type of relationship since he was a very young man. He worried about the older man's injuries that had yet to be addressed. Reese noticed some days Finch moved around with greater difficulty and was most likely in more pain than usual. He also worried about the emotional pain he suffered while allowing Grace, his fiancée, to continue to think he was dead. That being said he was not ready to discuss Joss with anyone including Finch, so he took his boss' lead and steered the conversation to familiar ground.

"Do we have a new number," he asked as he rose from the chair and made his way back to the desk?

"As a matter of fact we do, a 28 year old construction worker named Michael Ogle," Finch said pulling up a driver's license picture of a young brown haired man with green eyes.

"He's single, he lives alone and I've searched his social sites and nothing stands out as to why he'd be in danger or about to commit a crime."

"Does he have a record?"

"Just a simple assault conviction from college, nothing since then," Finch said as he continued perusing his variety of search parameters.

"Well text me his address and I'll see what he's hiding at home," Reese said as he got up to leave.

"Will do, you might want to give Detective Carter a call and see if she can back you up since Fusco is out of town," Harold suggested.

"I don't need her help, I'm a big boy," Reese snapped as he walked out the door. Just the mention of her name made him angry all over again.

Reese drove the Ducati to Ogle's residence expelling some of his anger in the exhilaration of the ride. Once he arrived at the high rise apartments, he realized Ogle lived in a rundown not particularly nice area. After parking the bike, he removed the main fuse and stuck it in his pocket sure it would have been stolen by the time he returned if he didn't.

John made his way to man's apartment and was able to enter the residence quickly with the help of one of his lock picking tools. This wasn't the kind of building where neighbors paid attention to each other's comings and goings so he didn't have to worry about anyone identifying him later. Reese immediately did a cursory sweep of the living area and kitchen and found it to be a typical bachelor's pad. There were sports magazines in disarray on the living room table along with a couple of empty beer bottles. There were three remote controls scattered on the couch which likely controlled the large flat screen television and monstrous surround sound system.

Noticing the empty takeout bags and pizza boxes in the kitchen, he figured Ogle wasn't much of a cook. Reese made his way to the two bedrooms in the rear. He approached the larger room first and stopped in his tracks when he stepped across the threshold and his eyes were immediately drawn to a large swastika flag hanging over the queen size bed. The anger he felt earlier came back full force. Sitting on a bedside table was a copy of _Mein Kampf a_long with other neo Nazi literature.

Everything in him revolted against what he was seeing. He'd seen first-hand how unfounded hate had destroyed entire communities. He'd witnessed the mass graves left behind by genocide and there were no words to describe the bodies of women and children including nursing infants crammed into a crudely dug hole in the ground. Overwhelmed by horrors from his past and emotions he'd thought he'd conquered, John exited the apartment and headed back to the library.

Finch was still searching for information on their number while waiting for Reese to contact him to let him know he'd installed surveillance equipment. Concentrating intently on the screen in front him, the door slamming against the wall caused him to clamber to his feet.

Reese stormed into the library and glared at Finch.

"I don't care if he is in danger, I'm not protecting that piece of shit," Reese said in a louder voice than Finch had ever heard from him.

Finch hadn't seen John this angry since the case with the U.S. Marshal abusing his wife. He wasn't sure what had set John off but he knew he had to tread delicately.

"What's wrong," Finch asked slowly resuming his seated position hoping to defuse the conversation?

"Ogle has Nazi paraphernalia in his bedroom and a swastika flag over his bed," Reese snarled as he paced in front of Finch in a failed attempt to calm himself.

"I see," Finch said slowly understanding John's agitation. He also despised people who promoted hate especially without cause. Reese's feelings for Detective Carter were most likely making him more sensitive than he would have been typically.

"You see," John said incredulously stopping to glare at Finch.

"Yes, I of course abhor that manner of thinking but it is irrelevant to our purpose other than maybe providing a motive," Harold said calmly.

"That asshole is probably planning on attacking some unsuspecting person for the crime of not being like him."

"If that is true, then you would have the pleasure of stopping him but you also have to be prepared to protect him if someone else is targeting him for his beliefs," Harold said facing Reese head on.

"No, he'll be getting what he deserves. I won't interfere with karma," Reese replied shaking his head.

"John, just because you don't like what he believes doesn't mean he deserves to die."

"It's because of jerks like him Joss has to warn her son that people will hate him and call him degrading names just because of the color of his skin," John said disgusted.

"Trust me, I know it isn't right but we still don't get to choose who deserves to live or die, that's the reason I started this crusade," Finch said sincerely. "If we choose not to save him, how are we any different from the government ignoring these numbers in the first place?"

"You haven't seen what I've seen," Reese voice was low and cold.

"No I haven't but I trust you to do the right thing. If you think I'm being unreasonable ask Carter what she thinks," Harold said returning to his search of Michael Ogle.

Reese was still furious. He didn't want to be reasonable. The last thing he wanted to do was expose Jocelyn to that kind of hate but he trusted her and he needed her advice. John stepped outside and dialed a familiar number.

Jocelyn was surprised to see the unknown number on her burner phone. She hadn't spoken to Reese in over a week and then he had been just short of rude. She was aware that he and Finch had eyes on her everywhere except for her home. Since Detective Parrish had asked her out at her desk, she was sure John knew about their date.

She didn't understand why he seemed to be angry at her. For months she had waited for him to make a move and he'd done nothing but flirt and give her that sexy smirk that made her want to slap him and kiss him at the same time. After a while she resigned herself to the fact that he used his charm to get her to do what he wanted but he wasn't interested in anything else. When she'd met the attractive Detective Mark Parrish while working a case that involved narcotics and he showed interest she hadn't deterred him and eventually she agreed on a date. While she had a good time with Mark, she couldn't help thinking about a certain pair of intense blue eyes and the man that accompanied them.

"Carter," she answered trying not to sound excited to hear from him.

"You have a minute, I want to run something by you," he asked not realizing how much he missed talking to her?

Carter looked at the pile of paperwork at her desk and decided it was as good a time as it ever was going to be for a break.

"Yes I do, can you meet at the diner in 30 minutes?"

"Sure," John said before considering he wasn't really ready for a face to face.

"See you there," Jocelyn hung up the phone and straightened her desk before leaving.

Arriving at the diner at the allotted time, Carter was surprised to find Reese already sitting at a booth. She took the seat opposite him and waited for him to brief her.

Reese wandered if Carter realized how beautiful she was. Even with her hair tied up and the not so flattering pants suit, he noticed the men in the diner watching her. Her skin was always so flawless and the air of confidence she exuded just drew him in. Well she had someone else to admire her now he remembered and the anger skimmed the surface.

"We have a new number and Finch and I disagree on how to proceed," Reese said purposely omitting a greeting.

"Give me the rundown," Carter said ignoring Reese's rude behavior.

"The guy is a construction worker with one assault conviction in his past so I went to his place to try to get more information," John looked away from Carter reluctant to continue.

"So what did you find," Jocelyn prodded when Reese went silent?

"Neo Nazi literature and a swastika flag," John said in a low voice she barely heard.

"I don't understand, what's the problem," she asked confused?

Reese looked up in shock, "I don't want to protect that guy!"

"Seriously John, I protect people who hate me every day, I've been called all sorts of names even by people whose lives I've saved," she smiled at him trying to get him to relax.

"If he's the one planning to hurt someone, I'll take great pleasure in stopping him but I won't protect hate," Reese stated indignantly.

"You don't have the right to pick and choose who you help," Carter said angrily.

For once John Reese was floored. He'd always known Carter was compassionate but he had underestimated the depth of her moral fortitude. He was starting to acknowledge the truth to her and Finch's position and while he didn't like it, he knew he would never disappoint her.

"Fine since you and Finch are ganging up on me I'll do it your way but my gut tells me I'm going to regret this," Reese said meeting her brown gaze. He was happy to see the anger leave her at his statement.

"I always suspected Finch was the real brains of this operation," Jocelyn said breaking the tension.

"Yeah whatever, so how was your date," he asked smirking?

"I'm sure you already know but it was great. I can't wait to do it again. Why do you care," she asked wiping the smirk off his face?

"I don't," John lied, "just making polite conversation," he answered with a grimace. "I need to know the details on that assault charge," Reese said as he left abruptly.

Carter tried not to let the smile surface but she couldn't help being amused that John was pissed about her date. While she wasn't going out with Parrish to spite John maybe he would step up now and make that move. Meanwhile she would have to have a talk with Parrish. He was a nice guy and now that she was sure John was interested she didn't want to lead him on when her feelings belonged to someone else.

Reese realized he had erred at the diner and now Jocelyn was aware he was upset about her date. He should have never brought it up but he just couldn't help it. Well now he just had to sit back and see what she did with that information. As far as the other matter, he was on his way back to Ogle's home to plant the surveillance equipment with a wary countenance because he hadn't been lying to Jocelyn when he said his gut was warning him about this one. His gut has never been wrong to date.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Finch, surveillance is set," Reese spoke into his ear piece after installing cameras and microphones throughout Ogle's apartment.

"Good Mr. Reese, did you install the spyware on his computer," Finch asked preparing to dig through Ogle's home files?

"Man, I knew I forgot something," Reese responded sarcastically.

"Thank you, Mr. Reese, as always, I appreciate your thoroughness," Finch said sincerely.

John smiled as he removed all evidence of his presence from the apartment and made his way back to the bike.

"Maybe it's time for you to put eyes on our number," Finch suggested.

Reese groaned aloud, "Fine, I'm on way." He disconnected the call and admitted to himself he had been stalling. He wasn't looking forward to meeting Ogle especially knowing what was going on inside his head.

Making his way toward the construction site after stashing the bike in one of his hide-a-ways, John worked on mentally preparing himself for interacting with Ogle. He set himself up on the roof of a building catty cornered to the site the young man was working and monitored his movements through a pair of high quality binoculars. He watched as Ogle berated a young Hispanic man for supposedly performing shoddy work and as the man left dejected, Michael fired off a racial slur within earshot causing the man's step to falter momentarily. Shaking his head and continuing on his way, Reese got the feeling he was use to taking that kind of abuse from Ogle.

Just as the anger was burning its way through him once again, his ear bud beeped signifying a call. He removed his phone from its holster and saw Carter's name on the screen. Ogle was forgotten instantly as the usual warmth associated with the detective's presence enveloped him.

"What do you have Carter," he asked after connecting the call?

"Hello to you too Reese," Jocelyn clipped irritated at John's rudeness. "Your guy and a couple of his friends beat a black student quite severely while he was on a date with his white girlfriend. His friends got off because they had friends in high places but Ogle did six months and was expelled from school permanently."

"This is the guy you and Finch want saved," Reese's voice was cold and low.

Carter could feel John's anger as if she was right next to him. She could even picture the cold, emotionless mask his face presented as he spoke.

"We've already been through this John, whether you like him or not is irrelevant to your purpose," she said obviously irritated.

"Why are you agitated with me, he's the one going around spouting hate and I'm the asshole because I want him to get what he has coming?"

"I agree he's a jerk and I expect him to act accordingly but I have higher standards for you and this is the first time you haven't met or better yet exceeded my expectations," she said exasperated with his attitude.

A flash of pain hit John hard. He thrived on Carter's opinion and her statement cut him deep. It had been a long time since he cared about someone's opinion of him so he didn't know how to respond. Feeling emotionally exposed he lashed out at Jocelyn.

"Well I'm sure your boyfriend doesn't disappoint you but then again at least he cares what you think."

Carter's immediate intake of breath made him instantly regret his statement.

"You're an ass," Carter said furiously. "For your information I don't have a boyfriend. I told Detective Parrish we shouldn't date because I had feelings for someone else. I thought after the diner incident you would man the hell up but I guess I was just wrong. I am just a tool to you. Thanks for the info, have Finch contact me if he needs me," Carter disconnected the call and tried not to let the hurt get the best of her.

Reese was stunned into stillness. He stood at the edge of the roof with his heart pounding not seeing anything in his view. Jocelyn had feelings for him and he'd just told her, her opinion didn't matter to him. The hurt in her voice was evident and he'd been the cause. He had to fix this! Unfortunately Ogle was quitting for the day so he had to put all that aside and focus on his job.

Following Michael Ogle through the streets of the city and watching the contemptible way he treated people outside his own race was not improving John's dark mood. On a couple of occasions he barely restrained himself from pulling the guy in a dark alley and unleashing all his frustrations on him. By the time they reached Ogle's apartment building Reese's temperament was equivalent to that of a bear poked relentlessly with a cattle prod.

His thoughts were churning so intensely he almost missed the two teenagers monitoring Ogle's approach from the dilapidated courtyard. One of the boys was black and the other was white but they were both dressed in similar clothes black jeans with red shirts, hats, bandanas and socks. Reese recognized them immediately as gang members. As Ogle entered the building John watched the teens. One motioned to an even younger boy whispered something in his ear and the boy ran off probably to deliver a message.

The original teens scanned the courtyard and one stood guard while the other one buried something in the dirt just behind the building. A few minutes later the boys wandered off and Reese made his way over to where they had been and dug up a glock 9mm with the serial numbers rubbed off. Michael Ogle was definitely in trouble, he'd attracted the attention of one of the local gangs for some reason. It was time to have a little chat with the man of the hour.

"Finch, there's a gang tracking Ogle and it looks like they're out for blood," John said making his way back up to the apartment.

"You think it has to do with his beliefs," Finch asked?

"Probably some ignorant thing he said to one of their members. I guess it's time for me and him to have a little chat," Reese said in a slightly disturbing voice.

"Mr. Reese, please ensure Mr. Ogle doesn't get injured during your chat," Finch implored.

"I'll try," Reese said disconnecting the call and turning off his phone to prevent Finch's prying ears.

Reese reached the apartment and knocked quickly.

"I don't want any," Ogle yelled through the door.

"I have a package here. It requires a signature."

Ogle walked over to the door and unlocked it without using the peephole. As soon as the lock disengaged, John pushed the door at him knocking him to the ground. He then walked through the door, shut and locked it without taking his eyes off Ogle.

"What the hell man, who are you," Michael grunted from the floor?

"Get up," Reese said grabbing Michael by his shirt and shoving him toward the couch.

Ogle stumbled to the couch and sat looking up at Reese with confusion.

"Why are gang members tracking you," John asked coldly?

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have anything to do with any gangs," Ogle said scared of the man with the dead eyes and angry countenance.

"What do you want?"

"I want to stop you from getting murdered so I can get on with my life and never have to see you again," Reese said with a grimace.

"Why do you want to help me," Ogle asked confused?

"I don't want to help you. I hate everything you stand for but the people I work with are better than me and they say I don't get to choose."

Michael Ogle realized the man in the suit in front of him was dangerous. While it was apparent he was not a fan of his beliefs he was glad the guy was there to protect him.

"Why is a gang after me?"

"I was hoping you knew. I noticed you have a way with words when dealing with minorities," John said directing a chilling stare at Ogle.

"I'm just tired of them taking our jobs and raping our women," Ogle said revving up to start a rant.

"If you value your life, you'll stop right there," Reese said reaching for his weapon tucked in his back. Ogle froze and stared warily at John.

"You're an idiot who probably hasn't had an independent thought your entire life. I will protect you but I won't listen to your bullshit so if you want my help, keep your ideas to yourself," Reese said angrily.

"What do we do now?" Michael asked trying not to provoke the man.

"You think about what you did to cause this mess while I work on getting more Intel," John said turning his phone back on.

"Finch can you send the address to Carter and see if she can find out anything about the gang and what they're in to?"

"Sure but why didn't you just call her," Finch asked confused?

"She's not really in the mood to talk to me," John released a slow tortured breath.

"What did you do Mr. Reese?"

"Can we talk about this later? I really want to be done with this case so I can work things out with Carter," he said warily. "Just let her know red seems to be their color of choice."

"I'll contact the detective and get back to you," Harold said sympathetically hearing Reese's frustration.

Harold had watched John and Jocelyn circle around their feelings for one another for months. While both parties were attractive, intelligent, and usually more than confident in their approach to most anything, neither had any idea how to handle the intense connection they felt to one another. The tension between them at times was so palpable it was uncomfortable being in the same room. Generally they were so engaged in one another anyone else's presence was forgotten and ignored instantaneously.

Reese had been taken by the detective from their first meeting after the subway incident. After he began working for Harold he couldn't stop following her and sparring with her even at the risk of capture. Finch recognized fairly quickly that John's feelings for Carter went above and beyond gratitude and respect. At first he had been afraid Reese would be crushed for Detective Carter was too straight of an arrow to ever get involved with someone in John's predicament. Then over time he noticed Jocelyn was just as intrigued by Reese as he was by her and she was also inept in dealing with those emotions.

If he and Reese weren't involved in such an essential cause he would have found their predicament endearing. These days he wondered if their relationship or lack thereof would result in Reese and Finch's partnership being dissolved. He sincerely hoped not because finding a person with John's skills and morals had been rather difficult to say the least. While he thought a relationship between the two would surely complicate things, he also saw it as unavoidable at this stage. He'd correctly assumed that Detectives Carter's date would make them have to address their feelings for one another. After musing over the two, Finch called Carter's burner phone.

"Carter," Jocelyn answered harshly expecting Reese.

"Hello detective, is this a bad time?"

"No sorry, what can I do for you," Carter asked relaxing after hearing Harold's voice?

"If I give you an address, can you tell me about a gang in the area who likes to wear red," Finch asked noting the relief in her voice?

"I should be able to. Text it to me and I'll call you when I have something."

"Thanks detective I'll send it to you right away." Harold was about to hang up when he decided to intercede on John's behalf. "Carter, it's been a long time since John cared about a woman and you know how that turned out so go easy on him," he said and hung up before she could respond.

Jocelyn thought about what Finch said. She knew Jessica's death at the hands of her husband had broken John down to the bum she'd met at their first encounter. She understood his anguish as she didn't know what her life would have become after her husband died if it wasn't for Taylor. Maybe he was just as confused as she was by this unspoken thing between them. Regardless to his earlier implication that he didn't care about how she felt, his actions since her date had said otherwise. Her phone beeped with the address drawing her attention back to the case at hand.

As soon as she saw the address images flashed across her mind from a case she'd seen on the news a couple of weeks ago. She did some searching and found the open case file in the gang unit case tracking system. A young black teenaged boy had been beaten to death right in front of Ogle's building one night and the gang unit suspected a new dangerous group calling themselves the Red Barons. After doing some more digging she found the Red Barons were trying to overpower some of the long standing gangs in the vicinity with brute force. One tenant said she heard the beating but she was too afraid to look but she did see a young white man entering the building just after the beating that she thought had to have seen it. Carter guessed Ogle might have been the witness the tenant was referring to. As she dug more deeply into the Red Barons she discovered it was run by ex-cons using children to do their dirty work. In their brief existence they'd been responsible for a over a dozen murders including a police officer. They appeared to have no fear and Carter immediately thought about John.

Jocelyn called Finch and updated him on what she knew. She asked for John's location and when he told her she notified him she was going to go back him up.

"Reese, Carter thinks Ogle witnessed a homicide the gang committed," Finch informed John. "If he did, you need to get him to a safe house as soon as possible."

"Send me a location and I'll find out what he knows," Reese said turning his attention back to Ogle.

"Did you witness a crime a couple of weeks back outside this building?"

Michael thought for a moment and then his eyes widened as he remembered an altercation he'd seen when he was coming back from a beer run.

"Oh yeah I saw some little monkey getting his ass whooped by a group of kids," Ogle smiled.

John thought of Taylor and before he realized it he was across the room and snatched Ogle to his feet and slammed him against the wall holding him by his throat.

"That boy died you asshole, did you think about reporting what you saw," Reese asked in a chilling voice?

"One less nig..." John's fist connecting to his jaw stopped Ogle's statement. He fell back on the couch gasping for air and covering his face.

"I'm not going to tell you again to watch what you say. I'll just shoot you myself and let the gang take the blame," Reese said attempting to regain control of his anger.

Just then a text message came across his phone. Reese retrieved the safe house address.

"We're leaving," John said grabbing his weapon and heading toward the door.

"Where are we going," Ogle asked frightened?

"Somewhere safer than here, move," Reese said impatiently.

The two men left the apartment and headed downstairs with Reese in the lead. When they reached the ground floor Reese saw a shadow approaching the door. He shoved Ogle behind him as they ducked beneath the stairwell.

One of the gang members opened the door slowly scanned the area quickly and headed up the stairs. Making sure no one else was approaching the door Reese moved deliberately toward the door weapon ready. Just as he was about to peer out the door Ogle panicked and ran past him into the courtyard. Reese crouched down and exited the building just as he heard a firearm discharge loudly.

Jocelyn had just pulled up to the building, donned her Kevlar vest and readied her weapon. She began stealthily making her way to the courtyard when she heard a gunshot. She ran to the edge of the opening and visually scanned the area. She saw a man on the ground covering his head and a teenager crouched beside the building aiming a weapon at him. She immediately fired in the direction of the kid purposely missing him and ran toward the man.

Reese saw Carter running towards Ogle who had fallen before the bullet could reach him. His blue gaze shifted to a figure on the opposite side of the building from Carter's attention. He saw the flash of steel just as Ogle scrambled to his feet dazed and confused. Carter turned to Reese once the kid she fired at ran off. She followed his gaze and saw the weapon as she felt Ogle stand behind her. She immediately stood shielding him as the other boy fired and John fired at him. The boy hit the ground screaming and dropping the weapon as a bullet tore through his arm.

John ran to Carter and Ogle as the bullet had slammed into Carter and knocked her into Ogle causing them both to fall back to the ground. He dropped to his knees before Jocelyn and knew immediately something was terribly wrong. She had on a vest but there was a large amount of blood pooling on her side. He pulled the vest off gently and he saw a small hole in her chest with blood pouring out. His heart nearly stopped beating, armor piercing bullets.

"Finch, help me please," John's voice was broken as it echoed through the library.

_Please read and review and I promise I'll write faster!_


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm really sorry it took this long to update but you know how life is, I got crazy busy this week so I couldn't work on it as much as I hoped. That being said I researched this chapter so I hope it's accurate and I hope you enjoy this installment. Next up Reese's revenge so please keep reading and reviewing and letting me know what you think._

**Chapter 3**

"John I'm coming. I'll bring help," Finch said breathlessly. Reese ripped Jocelyn's shirt open so he could get a better look at her wound. Blood was steadily pouring from the small hole. Carter whimpered as he placed his hand over it and pressed down firmly. With the sound of his own heart pounding loudly in his ears, he quickly discarded his suit jacket and dress shirt with his free hand. Retrieving a knife from his jacket, he rapidly cut a large square from his dress shirt folded it and placed it between his hand and the hole in Carter's chest and reapplied pressure. The pressure from his hand had slowed the blood flow from the wound.

Now the immediate problem was addressed, Reese took in his surroundings. Ogle was laid out unconscious and useless on the other side of Jocelyn. The kid he'd shot was gone but his weapon still lay in the dirt where he dropped it. He glanced down at Carter to find her wide gaze fixed on him and every breath she took looked laborious and painful. Before he could reassure her, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs of the apartment building. He remembered the gang member who had passed him and Ogle under the stairs on his way up to the apartment. There was no way he could move Joss in her condition so he grabbed his gun off the ground with his free hand and positioned his body between her and the door without relinquishing the pressure on her injury. As soon as the door opened John aimed and fired hitting the kid in both knees. The boy went down immediately losing his weapon in the process.

John immediately turned his focus back to Jocelyn. He used his free arm to roll her slightly looking for an exit wound. Not finding one he pushed away the panic trying to engulf him as he tried not to think about a fragmented bullet wreaking havoc inside of Joss. He sat as close to her as he could and pulled her gently into his lap with her back against his chest so he could keep pressure on the hole.

"Joss I need you to concentrate on breathing for me," John said in a calming voice. "I promise you'll be okay if you just stay with me."

"Taylor, you have to take care, promise" Carter got out between painful gasps.

"NO! Joss I won't because then you'll give up," Reese's calm facade evaporated and his voice cracked.

"Finch where the hell are you," he cried into his ear piece?

"I'm here. Almost there," Harold said reassuringly.

"John please," Carter begged through more, shorter gasps.

"No, stop talking, save your strength" he said in her ear. "I will never forgive you if you die in my arms and I told you you're not alone and I meant it. If you go I'm going with you," he said fiercely.

Finally John heard the sirens approaching in a hurry.

"I'm sorry for hurting you earlier," Reese said apologetically. "You should know your opinion of me is more important than anyone else's because you have my heart."

Carter made a feeble attempt to turn and see his face but he held her still with one hand pressing against the hole in her chest and the other arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

"Shhh, be still, you're going to hurt yourself babe," Reese said gently.

The wailing of the approaching sirens prevented any further conversation. Two paramedics entered the courtyard carrying a stretcher loaded with two large medical bags. Finch was a few yards behind them moving as quickly as he could towards Carter and Reese. When the paramedics reached Carter they tried in vain to get John to let her go.

"You have to let her go so we can help her sir," the younger one pleaded as the older one went to check on the teenager crying in agony in front of the apartment building. Reese shook his head no and tightened his grip on her waist.

Finch knelt down next to Carter and put his hand on Reese's shoulder. He waited for John to turn his tortured gaze to him.

"John she's losing a lot of blood, let them stop it and then I promise you can stay with her until she's stabilized," Harold said softly recognizing his partner's fragility.

Reluctantly Reese helped the paramedic move her to a stretcher as he began working to stop the bleeding.

"The bullet is still in there," Reese's voice trembled from just over the medics shoulder.

"Thank you sir, you did well. We've stopped the bleeding but we need to get her to a hospital quickly."

As two other medics showed up for the teenager, they expeditiously stabilized Carter on the stretcher, retrieved their medical bags and carried her to the ambulance with John standing next to them holding her hand. An oxygen mask over her mouth and nose kept Jocelyn from speaking but her eyes never left John's.

John entered the ambulance with Jocelyn refusing to relinquish his hold on her hand.

Finch stuck his head in just before the young paramedic closed the door.

"I'll be there just as soon I drop Ogle off at the safe house," Harold said reassuringly.

"Bring Taylor," Reese said never taking his eyes off Carter.

Harold backed away from the vehicle and allowed the paramedics to secure it. He watched as they sped off lights and sirens in service. While he knew there was a strong connection between Reese and the detective, he had underestimated the depth of the feelings involved. Jessica's death resulted in John withdrawing from society. Finch knew for sure Reese would not survive Carter's death. He'd heard John tell Jocelyn if she died he was going with her and Finch believed the conviction in his voice. Praying Detective Carter would survive and by proxy save Reese, Finch moved to roust Ogle and get him to the safe house.

Markus Powers dealt with many types of people in his last four years as a paramedic but the man in his ambulance right now actually scared him. The cold, penetrating stare he'd received when he asked the man to move back so he could work chilled him enough to make him physically shiver. Markus thought working around the man was probably better for his own health. The woman was obviously important to him. He didn't have the heart to tell the man she might not make it and he was afraid of his reaction if she didn't because the guy was unstable.

Suddenly the woman started gasping for air and her heartbeat became erratic. Markus quickly examined her and determined her lung had collapsed. As he began frantically preparing to attempt to re-inflate her lung he noticed the man pull out a gun and set it in his lap. He didn't stop doing what he was doing but he had never been more frightened in his life.

As soon as Jocelyn started struggling to breath John felt a blackness encompass his soul. Tears poured silently from his eyes as he refused to turn from Joss' frightened brown orbs. He pulled his gun out of his waist and set it on his lap.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said quietly, "but I made her a promise and I intend to keep it."

Markus quickly stuck a 14 gauge needle attached to a one way valve into Carter's chest as far away from the gunshot wound as possible. A rush of air filled her lung and she began to breathe with less difficulty. After verifying her heart rate stabilized, Markus turned to John.

"I won't let her die in here but it's hard to concentrate while you're sitting here holding that," he said pointing at the gun in John's lap. "I'm sure she doesn't want you to hurt yourself no matter what happens."

Carter nodded her head slightly in agreement with the medic. She let go of Reese's hand and lifted her hand to his face to wipe the tears away. John turned his head to rest his cheek in her hand.

"I can't do this without you," he whispered brokenly.

Jocelyn was fighting her body's attempt to pull her into unconsciousness to avoid the excruciating pain in her chest. She'd always suspected Reese cared more for her than he'd let on but she never imagined his feelings were as deep as hers. The tears he shed for her caught her by surprise. The pain in his eyes mirrored her own. Jocelyn realized she had to keep fighting for Taylor who'd already lost his father and for John who'd already lost one woman he loved and still managed to open his heart to her.

Markus felt like he was intruding on something very private between his patient and her friend. He busied himself checking Carter's monitors trying to give them as much privacy as possible. He did notice the man put the gun away after his patient touched the man's face. Her action appeared to calm him and for that Markus was grateful. While he truly felt for the couple he was never happier to see the entrance to the hospital as they pulled into position to drop the patient off.

Dr. Tillman was standing at the ambulance bay entrance with two ER attendants awaiting the arrival of Detective Carter. Finch explained the importance of keeping the officer's identity hidden to protect John who wouldn't leave her side. Meaghan Tillman owed John her life because he'd prevented her from taking a life that would have most likely destroyed her.

When the doors to the ambulance opened up she rushed in to assist. She noticed right away her friend Markus, who she'd sent to Finch when he called, had his hands full with John. She smiled at him sympathetically and approached John slowly. She reached out and touched his shoulder gently.

"Hi John, you want to help me get her inside so we can fix her up," she asked softly?

Reese turned at the sound of her voice and he was relieved to see her. He nodded and got to his feet and him and Dr. Tillman pulled Carter's gurney out of the vehicle, lowered it softly to the ground and wheeled her into the emergency room. As they were walking, Markus followed, briefing the doctor on the status of the bullet and the collapsed lung. She led them to a private station she had set aside at Finch's call where another friend of hers Dr. Carson Johnson a renowned surgeon was waiting impatiently.

When they entered the space, Markus took his leave wishing John the best even though it went ignored as he was totally fixated on Jocelyn. Meaghan immediately briefed Dr. Johnson on the detective's condition.

"We're definitely going to need you. The bullet is still in there and I'm pretty sure it nicked her lung from what Markus told me."

"Well let's get her up to x-ray stat so I can see what I'm working with," Dr. Johnson said while performing a quick external examination under the watchful eyes of Reese.

Dr. Tillman walked up to John and placed her hand on his back.

"John you have to let us take her but I promise you I will keep you informed of her condition and just as soon as possible I'll take you to her," she said trying to reassure him with her presence.

Reese was torn. He knew he could trust Dr. Tillman but Carter was squeezing his hand with her failing strength and he didn't want to leave her. He looked at Carter intensely and he noticed her pale color and clammy skin. He made himself let her go so they could help her. As they wheeled her away he grabbed on to Dr. Tillman.

"Please don't let her die," he pleaded with tears in his eyes.

"I won't John. I promise," she said praying she didn't let him down but knowing he needed reassurance. "Stay here John and I'll be back real soon," she said as she pulled away to follow Carter.

Finch was on his way to the hospital with a very quiet and frightened Taylor. He'd successfully stashed Ogle in a safe house with a warning to stay put because the Red Barons were still looking for him. As he was leaving Ogle asked who the woman was and why she jumped in front of a bullet for him. Harold explained she was a police officer who assisted Reese sometimes. He purposely added that she knew what Ogle's beliefs were yet she had still protected him possibly at the cost of her own life. Michael had the decency to look shaken as Finch exited to retrieve Taylor.

As soon as Taylor opened the door to Finch on his doorstep, he knew something was amiss. Whenever his mom called to say she would be late he knew it most likely had something to do with John. While he hadn't physically seen John since his rescue from Elias' goons, he knew he'd been around. Sometimes when he came home from being out with friends he'd notice two coffee cups in the sink and the toilet seat would be up in the bathroom. He never left the seat up for he'd been properly trained by his mother. Taylor didn't mind John being around because he trusted him to protect his mother.

Hearing his mother was shot brought all Taylor's nightmares of being alone to head. This couldn't be happening. Wasn't it enough that he'd lost his father before he was old enough to remember him? Taylor didn't ask any questions. He just locked up the house and jumped in the car with Finch.

When Harold and Taylor arrived in the emergency room they were immediately approached by one of the attendants who had been with Dr. Tillman in the ambulance bay. He led them to the private station where John was sitting with his face in his hands waiting for information.

"Where is my mom," Taylor asked with a tremor in his voice?

Reese stood at Taylor's question and looked the young man in the eyes hiding the fear he felt for Jocelyn.

"She's getting an x-ray right now so they can figure out where the bullet is located," he answered leaving out the lung injury.

Taylor noticed John glance away from him momentarily and instinctively determined he was leaving something out.

"What aren't you telling me," he asked glaring at Reese?

Reese hesitated looking into Taylor's eyes and saw the same determination he'd seen in the boy's mother on several occasions.

"I'm not a child! Tell me what's wrong with my mother," Taylor said angrily.

"The bullet may have damaged her lung. It collapsed earlier but they were able to re-inflate it," John said honestly as his heart filled with pride and respect for the young man in front of him.

Hearing about the deflated lung on top of the gunshot injury shook Taylor's anger fueled confidence. Tears spilled from his eyes and his body shook uncontrollably.

John stepped up and wrapped his arms around Taylor. At first Taylor stiffened but then he relaxed in John's embrace and cried in earnest.

"It's okay Taylor. Your mom is in really good hands right now," he said in a calming voice.

Dr. Tillman entered the room looking harried yet determined. She was surprised to see John holding a sobbing teenaged boy and she shot Finch a questioning look.

"The detective's son," he answered solemnly hoping she had good news.

"John," she said getting his attention. "Can we talk outside," she asked looking at the young man?

He looked at Taylor who immediately straightened up and pulled away from him.

"No, he needs to hear what you have to say," John said focusing his attention on her.

"The bullet lodged into the detective's sternum and a small piece broke off and punctured her lung. Dr. Johnson has her in surgery as we speak. He is confident he can get both pieces of the bullet out and repair the damage to her lung but her body has been through a lot and he's worried she might slip into a coma during surgery." She paused to see how her news was being received. John and Finch seemed a little relieved but Carter's son was worried. She approached him slowly and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Your mom has one of the best surgeons in the country working on her. He's going to take great care of her," she said hoping to soothe some of his fear.

"Thank you Dr. Tillman," Finch said sincerely knowing John and Taylor were still processing the information.

"No problem, I'll be back to update you just as soon as she gets out of surgery," she said leaving the men alone.

For hours John, Finch, and Taylor sat in the room quietly dealing with their emotions. Finch volunteered to get food but Reese and Taylor refused to eat while they waited.

When Dr. Tillman reappeared both Taylor and Reese jumped to their feet with Taylor unknowingly holding tightly to John's arm.

"She's out of surgery. Dr. Johnson was able to remove the bullet pieces and repair her lung but we haven't been able to wake her," she said gently. "She's been through a lot, so there is no reason for concern yet."

"Can I see her," Taylor asked softly?

"Yes but only for a moment she's in recovery right now," she said heading toward the exit. She led the men up to the surgical waiting room where Finch decided to stay and wait. After speaking to the nurse at the recovery station she escorted Taylor and Reese back to Carter's bed and left them.

To Taylor she looked fragile with an oxygen mask on her face and all sorts of wires coming from her chest covered mostly by the hospital gown.

To John she looked beautiful. Her color had returned to the rich caramel he loved and while she was being monitored by a half dozen machines she appeared to be resting peacefully.

"She's going to be fine Taylor," Reese said feeling confident for the first time since seeing the hole in Jocelyn's chest. "She's a fighter and she loves you," he said reassuring Taylor.

"You love her," Taylor asked watching John intensely?

"Yes I do," Reese answered feeling a huge weight lift off of his shoulders at his admission.

"Are you okay with that," John asked hoping for Taylor's support?

Taylor looked down at his mother thoughtfully.

"I just want her to be happy so if you can do that and keep her safe then I have no problems with you two," Taylor answered honestly. Reese hugged him tightly and Taylor hugged him back.

Jocelyn opened her eyes to a dull ache in her chest. She was slowly taking in her surroundings when she turned her head to the right and her eyes met with John's warm blue gaze over Taylor's head. He smiled at her before he turned Taylor around to see his mother was awake.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Sorry it took so long but I actually took a vacation but now I'm back and ready to write! I hope you're ready to read and review!_

Taylor felt a great sense of relief as his eyes met the open eyes of his mother. He immediately went to her and bent down to cautiously kiss her cheek ensuring to avoid jostling her bandages from surgery.

"I love you mom," Taylor said sincerely as Carter nodded in agreement not being able to speak through her respirator.

Feeling confident she was going to recover Taylor informed Reese he was going to notify the nurse of his mother's status to offer him some alone time with her.

In the last eight hours, John had learned that Taylor was as intelligent and strong as his mother but he was truly awed by the young man's sense of awareness and consideration for others. Jocelyn had done a great job of raising him and he hoped he would be around to see the man he would become. He turned his attention to Jocelyn as Taylor left. He walked over and grabbed her hand.

"You and I have some things to talk about," he said rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, "starting with you explaining to me what the hell you were thinking when you jumped in front of that bullet."

Jocelyn averted her gaze momentarily at his statement but she squeezed his hand hoping to reassure him she would be fine. She felt the tension release from him momentarily.

"I'm angry but not at you," he said at her worried look. "I'm too relieved you're going to walk out of here eventually but the Red Barons are going to pay severely for last night," John's voice was dangerous and the ice in his steel blue glaze was chilling.

As he heard Taylor approaching with Dr. Tillman, he leaned down to kiss Joss's cheek gently.

"I'll be back by the time you get a room but right now I have something to take care of," he whispered in her ear as he pulled easily away from her attempted clutch on his arm. He pretended not to see her shaking her head as he turned to face Taylor and Meaghan.

"I hear Ms. Carter is awake," Dr. Tillman said to John assessing his state of mind.

"I will never be able to repay you for what you did but know that if you ever need me for any reason, I will be there no questions asked," Reese said sincerely.

Meaghan was happy to see the John she remembered serious, intense and controlled.

"You've done more than enough for me, I was just doing my job," she smiled at him.

"It was more than that and you will never know how much I appreciate your efforts but I do need you to keep an eye on her while she's moved to a private room."

"Of course I will. Are you leaving," Meaghan asked surprised?

"I'll be back shortly, I just have to take care of something real quick," he said glancing back at Taylor talking softly to his mother behind them.

Meaghan reached out and grabbed his arm.

"I know you're angry but you are not the man you once were and a wise man once told me taking a life causes you to lose the best part of yourself and she deserves your best," she said turning toward Carter.

Reese stared at Meaghan knowing she had a point but the vision of the blood pouring out of Jocelyn's chest wouldn't leave his mind and the thought of how close he came to losing her fueled the darkness inside him.

Dr. Tillman saw the conflict in his eyes but when he gave her a barely perceptible nod and walked away she felt a cold chill at the blank mask that changed his features into a frightening imitation of a dead man's gaze.

Reese went back to the surgical waiting room where Finch was waiting. Finch rose as John approached.

"How is she," Harold asked concerned?

"She's strong she'll be on her feet in no time," John said with a small smile.

"Thank God," Finch said relieved.

"I will after I ask for his forgiveness for the devil's work I'm about to do," Reese's demeanor changed as he looked at Finch with a dead stare.

"Don't you think you should stay with Carter for now," Harold asked? He was intending on taking care of the Red Barons through anonymous tips and connecting Ogle to a trustworthy assistant district attorney before Reese could unleash his wrath.

"I'll be back by the time she gets a room but right now I need some information and I know just where to get it," John smiled a terrifying smile that conflicted with the anger in his eyes as he walked away.

Reese made his way to the pediatric unit and approached the nurses' station with a charming smile.

"Good morning ladies. Can someone help me find the young man they brought in a few hours ago with gunshots to both legs," he asked smiling?

The nurse and the secretary behind the desk gave each other the nod speaking volumes without saying a single word. It was obvious they had been working together for many years and while they were impressed with Reese's rugged handsomeness they wouldn't be easily swayed.

"I'm sorry I should have introduced myself, I'm detective Stills from the gang unit and we just had one hell of a shoot out and I'm the new guy they saddled with figuring out what happened," he said flashing Stills badge and giving them his best lost boy look.

The older of the two women immediately sympathized with him and her posture relaxed some as she returned his smile.

"He's down in 301 at the end of the hall," she said pointing to the hallway to the right of the nurses' station. "He isn't being very nice to anyone right now so I don't know how much information you'll get out of him."

"Don't worry I'm great with kids, even the ornery ones," he said smiling and walking towards the doors as she buzzed him in.

Reese walked purposely to room 301. As he entered the room he turned and released the door stand and shut and locked the door. The teenager was asleep looking very uncomfortable in the ill fitting hospital gown with both legs heavily bandaged and held stationary in a contraption elevated above the bed. There was an IV attached to his arm feeding pain meds electronically. John read the machine and realized the kid was due for a dose in two minutes. He turned the machine off, snapped the nurse call button and sat down waiting patiently for the boy to wake up.

Reese could tell when the pain started kicking in because the boy started to shift his upper body in an effort get comfortable. After a few minutes the young man's eyes finally opened and they were clouded with pain. He found the nurse call button and attempted to click the broken piece repeatedly.

"They're all at lunch," John said softly from a chair not far from the bed.

"Who the hell are you," the kid asked focusing his attention on Reese?

"I'm the guy you're going to tell everything you know about the leadership of the Red Barons," Reese said nonchalantly.

"I'm not telling you shit man. I ain't no snitch."

"Well I'm pretty sure you want some pain meds right now and in about ten minutes you'll tell me whatever I want to know since I shut the machine off," Reese looked casually at his watch.

The kid looked carefully at Reese and realized he wasn't a cop. He also recognized the look in his eyes. He'd seen it before on the face of one of the forefather's just before he shot a man dead. His heart began racing and the pain in his legs was getting worse by the second.

Reese saw the fear in the boy's eyes and he knew he would get the information he came for.

"Who are they?"

"I only know two of their names the other one goes by Napoleon."

Reese stood abruptly and the young man flinched afraid of what was going to happen to him.

"I'm listening. You haven't told me enough to earn your meds."

"Tony and Mark are the other two guys but Napoleon is in charge," the kid spit out quickly. "There's an abandoned apartment building up one block from where we were last night that they run things out of."

"Thanks for the info and I would look into a new line of work if I were you because the Barons are going down and they've made some scary enemies," Reese said as he headed for the door.

"Wait the machine!"

"Oh yeah you might want to call for those nurses you've been abusing for the last few hours," Reese opened the door and stepped out. He waited a few seconds and stepped back in. "I forgot your nurse call button is broken. I'll let them know your sleeping and not to disturb you for a while," he smiled as he left ignoring the curses hurled at him as he closed the door.

While leaving the pediatric ward, John stopped to let the nurses know the kid was pretty exhausted and had fallen asleep in the middle of his interview. He recommended they not bother him for a while suggesting some rest might improve his attitude. With a genuine smile he headed back to the surgical waiting room.

As John looked around the waiting room a nurse walked up and addressed him.

"John," she asked," looking for reassurance of his identity?

Reese nodded and a worried expression crossed his face momentarily.

"Dr. Tillman asked me to escort you to Miss Evans room."

Reese realized he was supposed to follow her as she turned and walked away and he quickly matched his steps with hers. As they approached a private door he heard the most beautiful sound, Carter's laugh. He closed his eyes and exhaled a slow breath and took a moment to feel relieved that Jocelyn was really going to be fine.

Reese acknowledged all the feelings he'd being trying to contain over the last couple of months all came to the surface when Joss had been shot. The pain he'd felt when he'd opened her vest and saw the hole in her chest had almost overwhelmed him. He'd known for months his attraction to Carter was developing into something more substantial the more he learned about her. He also recognized that anything between them would be complicated and heavy so he had decided to leave it alone. Then she went on a date and as much as he'd tried to ignore it he was pissed. Reese wanted to beat the hell out of that cop. Still he hadn't told Carter how he felt but laying on the ground with Carter in his arms fearing it would be their last conversation he'd admitted he cared for her.

Now he had to face the consequences of his words and honestly he was looking forward to exploring his feelings with her. As he entered the room, Carter turned to him and she smiled so warm John couldn't help but respond with a smile of his own.

She was propped up in the bed looking tired but well with the respirator removed. Taylor was sitting in a chair next to the bed where he had been entertaining her with some slightly exaggerated story of his athletic prowess. Finch was sitting in the corner enjoying the interplay between mother and son. Everyone turned to John as he entered the room and the room got quiet as the nurse silently excused herself. Ignoring Taylor and Finch, Reese walked over to the bed bent down smiling and lightly pressed his lips against Jocelyn's surprising all the room's inhabitants especially Carter.

"Hello beautiful, how are you feeling," he asked grabbing her hand and sitting at the end of the bed?

Carter was shocked by Reese's display of affection. She immediately looked to Taylor and saw a smug smile on his face. She correctly guessed he consented to a relationship between her and John. On the other hand, Finch looked embarrassed and worried as indicated by the red tint to his face and ears. She turned her attention back to Reese and was met with an intense gaze as he waited for her response. The look on his face encouraged Jocelyn to disregard anyone else's concern and follow her heart. She let go of John's hand and reached for his shirt and pulled him to her as she leaned forward and joined their lips again.

Feeling Carter pull him to her for a kiss released the anxiety he felt. After the brief contact, he leaned his forehead against hers and stroked her cheek with his hand.

Finch got to his feet as quickly as he could and started heading toward the door.

"Taylor, are you hungry," he asked never looking back towards the bed?

Realizing he didn't really want to watch his mom making out, Taylor quickly followed Harold out the room.

"Yeah starving," he answered as he exited.

"I think we ran them off," Carter said as she tilted her head towards the door.

Reese laughed as he climbed across the bed and laid down next to Jocelyn on her uninjured side. He gently put his arm around her neck and rested his cheek on top of her head.

"You know you scared the hell out of me right," he said in a soft voice?

"I'm sorry John," she said looking up at him. "I just thought I should take the shot rather than Ogle since I had a vest on."

"Vest or not, if you do that again I'm going to kill you myself."

"Yes sir," Carter teased trying to lighten the mood.

"It's irrelevant now anyway because I'm never letting you out of my sight again," he intoned.

"Good so you're staying here tonight," she said remembering his absence from earlier and knowing he was up to no good.

"I will but I have something to take care of first," he said looking away from Joss.

"John please don't hurt anyone because of me."

"They almost killed you," he said angrily. "I'm not going to let that slide," he said sitting up and placing his feet on the floor.

"I want to be with you John," she sat up and rubbed his back. "The man who risks his life to save strangers and looks out for me and my son but I can't be with you if you can't control the other side of you."

"Fair enough," Reese stood and walked to the door. He turned and looked back and saw tears falling from Carter's eyes.

Reese wanted to go back to her. He fought the urge to punish the men responsible for hurting her but the memory of her lung collapsing in the ambulance hit him hard and he knew he couldn't rest until they paid. He gave Joss one last longing look and left the room.

Reese made his way to Ogle's apartment building where everything had went down the previous night. The sun was fading as dusk settled in across the city. John hadn't slept since the night before last but he wasn't tired. He was angry and he wanted to someone to pay for hurting her. All other emotions were being overridden by a need to make an example out of the people responsible.

Reese knew Carter didn't understand his code of justice and how important it was to his new life after the C.I.A. When he had been an assassin he'd followed orders without question and innocent people had been killed because of it. Now he had his own personal code of saving the innocent, exposing the evil and protecting those close to him with extreme prejudice. After Jessica, he vowed never again to be too late. So he had to make an example out of the Red Barons to ensure everyone got the hint Carter was off limits. If he had to lose his chance at being with her to keep her safe then so be it.

It didn't take long for Reese to find a couple of the gang members hanging around dressed down in red. He watched them sell some product and then followed them to an abandoned apartment complex that fit the description the kid in the hospital gave him. Reese surveilled the place for hours keeping track of who entered and who left. As he was attempting to remain focused and not think about the look Jocelyn gave him as he left her room an incoming call beeped in his ear.

"Yes Finch," he answered shortly.

"What are you up to Mr. Reese," Finch asked tracking John's location on his laptop?

"Taking care of some loose ends," Reese answered coldly.

"John, I know you're upset but Carter is getting more agitated the longer you're gone and Taylor is not too happy with you after finding his mother in tears."

Reese closed his eyes against the pain Finch's words brought and focused on the memory of Jocelyn's heart rate dropping out in the back of the ambulance.

"I'll take care of that when I get back but right now I'm going to make sure everyone knows the consequences of hurting her," John said angrily.

"John, you're not the man you used to be and the new man is the one she cares about. If you do this then she'll know the old you will always be there and she won't expose Taylor to that type of violence."

"She didn't almost die in your arms," Reese whispered. "I probably shouldn't be around her and Taylor. After all I am what I am," he said resigned and disconnected the call.

An hour later Reese discovered only two of the teenaged Red Barons were in the building and the three adult leaders. He loaded up his weapons, strapped his knife on his waist and covered his face with a black ski mask. Stealthily approaching a broken window in the rear of the building, he made it to his destination undetected. He leveraged himself into the window and lowered himself silently to the ground. There was a stairwell to his left being monitored by one of the teens.

The young gang member heard nothing out of the ordinary before he found himself in a choke hold he couldn't escape. He dropped his weapon in an attempt to dislodge the arm from around his neck but in a matter of seconds he was in an unconscious heap on the ground. Reese moved the kid to a dark corner. Zip tied his hands and gagged him. He approached the stairwell cautiously and slowly made his way to the top weapon drawn. He heard two men's voices coming from an open door at the end of the hall as he hid in the darkness.

"Napoleon this situation is out of control. I don't see why we have to go after a guy who wasn't talking anyway."

"Loose ends are how I ended up in prison and I'm never going back so you know the rule, no witnesses."

"Yeah but now there's the lady who got shot and the guy that was with Ogle. We can't kill them all."

"We can and we will. We have plenty of toy soldiers to sacrifice."

Reese was furious. Just the thought of the Barons pursuing Carter in the hospital sent him over the edge. He started to run down the hall and charge the room until he heard footsteps approaching the stairwell he'd come up previously. He flattened himself against the wall and went completely still. The kid walked right by him missing his form in the darkness. He approached the door and let the men know the building was secure and he was leaving.

"Report in early tomorrow. I have a special assignment for you at the hospital," Reese recognized Napoleon's voice.

"Yes sir," the kid said and walked to the other stairwell at the end of the hall closest to the room where the men were and left.

John made sure the young man had enough time to leave and then he made his way to a door a couple of apartments away from where the gang members were. He found an empty bottle on the floor and rolled it into the apartment across from where he was.

"What the hell was that," Napoleon asked drawing his weapon?

"Probably rats," Tony said shrugging his shoulders.

"Go check it out," Napoleon waved his hand toward the door.

Tony rolled his eyes thinking his boss was paranoid as he walked down the hallway towards the sound. As he got to the door across from John, he stood there with his back to the hallway trying to make out any movement. The quick, hard chop to the throat completely incapacitated him and Reese caught him as he fell and drug him into a dark corner and secured his hands and mouth.

Reese made his way back to the hallway and backed up and laid on his stomach. Donning infrared glasses and aiming his glock at the hallway he waited for the two remaining men.

"Tony," Napoleon shouted!

When there was no answer, Mark drew his weapon and they both flanked the door to the hallway. Mark stuck his head out and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He could only see a little ways in front of him but he didn't hear any movement. Stepping boldly into the hallway with a small flashlight aimed ahead of him he headed into the dark corridor.

Napoleon, seeing Mark enter the hallway safely stepped into the hall to back him up.

Just as Mark's flashlight illuminated John's weapon he fired twice sending both men to the ground as the bullets entered a leg on each man.

Reese jumped to his feet and straddled Mark quickly knocking him unconscious. Then he ran to Napoleon kicked his weapon away and dragged him back into the office.

"Who are you," the short, stocky man cried?

"I'm the man who's going to give you what you deserve," John growled as he picked the man up by his collar and slammed him on the makeshift desk they had been using.

"Using children to commit your crimes, putting out hits on cops," Reese punched Napoleon in the face after each statement. "You have delusions of grandeur but it's all over now." John unsheathed his knife and cut Napoleon's shirt down the middle making sure to knick the skin and draw blood.

Reese could feel the darkness overcoming him as he was going to enjoy ending this man's life.

Ignoring Napoleon's pleas for his life, he positioned the tip of the blade over his right lung and looked him in the eyes.

"She almost died in my arms. Suffocating right before my eyes because you wanted some guy dead who didn't even care about what he saw. Now you're going to feel what she felt but nobody's going to save you," Reese said menacingly trying to embrace the dark side of him.

Napoleon was crying hysterically and Reese had both hands over the base of the knife. One quick thrust and it would all be over. Then her smile flashed in his mind and some of the dark receded. Her flirting with him in the back of her patrol car crossed his mind and more light penetrated his thoughts. He looked down at the man squirming beneath his blade and yet he saw Jocelyn's tear filled eyes as he left her room and he knew he wanted her light more than the darkness he'd been carrying since he first took a life.

Reese struck Napoleon in the head effectively silencing him and contacted Finch.

"Can you make a non traceable call to the police sending them to my location? I'm coming home."

"Sure, what's the condition of the Baron's," Finch asked cautiously?

"They'll live," John said exhaling slowly. "I guess you, Tillman, and Joss are right, I'm not the monster I was."


	5. Chapter 5

_This is the last two chapters for this story. I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you enjoyed reading it. My first attempt at a love scene so be gentle. I'm working on a new project that is rather time consuming so I'm going to take a hiatus from writing on here most likely for a few months. Thanks for all your support you've encouraged me to chase a bigger dream and I'll still be around reading the amazing works you all produce. Suessical, thanks for pushing me. I didn't realize it had been that long since I updated!_

**Chapter 5**

Reese stopped by his apartment to shower, shave, and change into a new suit before facing his family at the hospital. Whether they realized it or not that's what they were to him. As he left the apartment building where he left the Red Baron leadership detained for New York's finest, he could actually smell himself. Facing Carter and Taylor after the way he left her at the hospital was going to be difficult. He needed the added advantage of feeling like himself and the suits were like armor to him, they made him feel invincible. As he made his way back to the hospital, he tried to think about how to apologize to Jocelyn but he was drawing a blank.

Reese was so focused on devising a plan for earning Carter's forgiveness, he missed the angry teenager glaring at him as soon as excited the elevator on her floor. Taylor was furious. He trusted John because he saved him and more importantly because his mom did and she didn't really trust anybody. Taylor had been so happy when John said he loved her because he wanted someone like John to look after her because her job was dangerous and as a kid there was only so much he could do. John had the skills to protect her, he'd seen them firsthand.

While Taylor wanted his mother safe, the one thing he wanted even more was for her to be happy. She worked so hard all the time and did so much for him but she never took time for herself and it worried him. So when he'd told John he was alright with them being together as long as he made her happy he had been truly sincere. When Reese came into the room and kissed his mother in front of him and Finch, he'd taken that as John's agreement to uphold his end of the bargain. So to come back from eating in the cafeteria with Finch and find his mother in tears, something he'd never seen before pushed his anger to a new level.

The fire in his veins overrode his common sense when he saw Reese exit the elevator and he charged at him with the intent of inflicting some pain. John sensed the attack when Taylor got close and he reflexively turned, grabbed the boy flipped him on his back and moved to strike at his nose to incapacitate him. At the last minute he recognized Taylor and struck the floor next to his head with enough force that he felt a bone break in his hand. Taylor was terrified and shocked by how fast John had turned the tables on him. He looked at Reese with fear in his eyes as his body trembled afraid of John's next actions.

The terrified look in Taylor's eyes broke something inside of Reese. His breath became shallow and his heart was racing as he contemplated how close he came to seriously injuring Carter's son. His goal had been to shatter his attacker's nose. The strike was already in motion by the time he saw it was Taylor. He'd narrowly managed to divert the blow to the floor. A pain that hurt worse than any torture he'd ever suffered hit him hard as he acknowledged Taylor's fear of him. As concerned witnesses started to make their way to them, Reese jumped to his feet and fled to the stairwell and exited the hospital in a daze.

Taylor instantly regretted his actions as a male nurse helped him to his feet. He would never forget the horrified look on John's face as he realized it was Taylor he was attacking. After assuring the staff he was fine and pretending he didn't know who the man was or what happened, he made his way back to his mother's room. He found his mother asleep, restlessly tossing, turning, and mumbling. Finch was sitting next to the bed attempting to soothe her by gently rubbing her arm.

"Is Mr. Reese here yet," he asked concerned? "He said he was on his way over an hour ago."

Taylor looked sheepishly at his feet. "He left," he said dejectedly.

"What, why," Finch asked confused?

"I wasn't thinking. I got so mad when I saw him because he made mom cry I tried to jump him from behind," Taylor said in a low voice.

Finch immediately came to his feet and reached out checking Taylor for injuries.

"Oh my God, are you alright," he asked frantically knowing Reese would have responded reflexively to an attack from the rear?

"I'm ok," the young man said pulling away from Finch, "but I don't think John is fine. He freaked when he realized he almost hurt me."

Understanding the kind of man Reese was, Harold knew he would torture himself over attacking Carter's son no matter that it was in self defense. He attempted to call John but the phone just rung and rung until the voicemail system picked up. Finch's heart lurched as he realized he might have lost Reese for good.

Reese ignored the throbbing pain in his hand as he entered the corner store near a flea bag hotel he frequented when he needed to lay low for awhile. He purchased enough liquor for three grown men to get drunk on and retreated to a room. Since Finch had pulled him out of his homeless despair and given him a job, he had stayed away from hard liquor and never drank alone.

At that moment he was willing to do anything to erase the image of Taylor's terrified face in his mind. He should have known he would never be able to completely contain the darkness inside him. One more second and he would've permanently altered the young man's face. Not just any boy but **her **son. How could he ever face her again knowing what he'd done? Just the thought of her withdrawing from him made his stomach unsettled and restless. He should have known his redemption could only go so far after the things he'd done. He would never be worthy of a life with her and Taylor he thought as he laid across the thin, dusty, mattress and downed a third of his first bottle of brandy. Unintentionally Taylor managed to accomplish a feat many had tried and failed, he'd broken John Reese.

"Is John back yet," Carter asked for the third time in the last hour? It had been four hours since Taylor's confrontation with Reese and Finch had decided it would be better if she didn't know what had occurred.

"No, he checked in to say he's fine he'll be here after he takes care of some loose ends," Finch lied smoothly.

Jocelyn knew by his tone and the sheepish look on her son's face they were hiding something from her. She figured Finch would stick to the cover story no matter what but if she could get Taylor alone she could get more information. She was really worried about John's state of mind. For some reason she could see the vulnerability behind his tough guy "badass" persona. She'd witnessed his need to care for and protect others and hated that the C.I.A. had twisted something so beautiful into something that caused him significant inner turmoil.

Unable to imagine the things he'd been required to do under the guise of protecting his country she knew he felt like he'd lost the good in him. Jocelyn on the other hand felt the light so strongly in him she was determined to make him see what she saw that drew her to him. Never one to judge a book by its cover, Carter had realized during her first interaction with John, after the subway incident that beneath his haggard outward appearance there was a strong, intelligent presence residing in those steel blue eyes. As time went on and she got to know her vigilante she recognized she was responding to him as a man, something she hadn't really experienced since Taylor's father.

Reese's stubborn refusal to obey the law infuriated her at times but she couldn't argue with his results. He saved lives and his heart was always in the right place. Witnessing the gentle side of the seemingly unfeeling man while working with him stirred something inside of her. She had really started falling for him when he'd saved her life in that alley and promised her she was not alone contradictory to what she'd heard from first her army colleagues and later her fellow detectives. When Reese saved her son from Elias, she knew it had been a lost cause. Her heart belonged to him whether he wanted it or not. She never thought he felt anything but respect and admiration for her until her date with Officer Parrish. Reese's jealousy hinted at his feelings but the ride in the ambulance after she was shot solidified that he was in as deep as her.

The kiss he'd planted on her in front of Taylor and Finch was his way of telling her he didn't care about logistics or what anyone thought any more. There was fear in his eyes while he waited for her response and she knew it would be now or never and never was not an option. Carter kissed John back conveying her emotions through her lips hoping he understood. While she recognized their situation was far from traditional there was no denying her attachment to John. Lying in the bed snuggled up with Reese made her heart feel so full until they'd argued. Carter understood John was angry about her getting shot but that didn't justify killing the Red Barons. She loved him and she wanted to be with him but she needed to know he could control himself because she had to consider Taylor. Lack of control in one area tended to permeate to other areas in life. She'd seen that play out in other cops home lives. She hadn't been surprised when he left but it still hurt and she allowed him to see that through her tears. Now she just wanted him there so she could see he was safe.

"Finch could you please try to call John again," she asked knowing he would step out of the room to do so?

Harold didn't want to leave Taylor alone with his mother for fear he would tell her the truth about John but he was starting to worry about Reese's condition himself.

"Sure, try to relax. I'm sure he will be here soon," he said as he stepped outside making sure to give Taylor a warning look on his way out.

"Taylor what's going on," she asked in her best comforting mom voice?

"Nothing mom," he said looking down at his feet.

"I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong," she said reaching out her arm and placing her hand on his face.

Taylor relished the comforting touch of his mother. He raised his eyes to hers and she saw the tears gathered there as they began to spill down his cheeks.

"I didn't mean to run him off mom," he said sadly.

"What happened son," she asked worried and confused?

"I was so mad at him for making you cry after I told him he could be with you if he could keep you happy," Taylor said emotionally. "I was waiting in the lobby for him and when he got off the elevator I charged at him from behind."

"Oh no," Carter said as she pulled Taylor toward her looking for injuries.

"Stop mom," Taylor said pulling away from her. "I'm fine. He flipped me over and punched the ground next to my head so the only thing hurt was my pride."

Once she realized her son was not injured her heart immediately went out to John. Knowing his heart, he would blame himself for Taylor's attack and believe himself to be the monster he was before. She knew Reese wouldn't acknowledge that he hadn't actually hurt Taylor. She needed to find him before he lost himself again.

As soon as Finch entered the room and saw the look on Carter's face, he knew Taylor had told her everything.

"Take me to him," she said in a low, determined voice that let Harold know she would not be denied.

"You can't leave so soon after your surgery," he tried deterring her. "Your body needs to rest detective."

"I'm sure you have a way to locate Reese," Carter said as she rose slowly from the bed and retrieved her jacket and slacks from the closet. What was left of her shirt had been discarded. "Either you can take me to him, or I can waste precious time finding him through my street contacts," she fixed Finch with a determined glare as she entered the restroom to change.

Finch gave Taylor a sympathetic look and a small smile to signify he understood why he told his mother and he wasn't angry. Taylor responded with a barely perceptible nod but he released a relieved breath as some of the tension of the situation released from him.

Retrieving his laptop and turning on Reese's tracking software, Harold wasn't surprised to locate the flashing beacon at one of the less than reputable hotels John frequented when it suited his mood. He was shocked that John hadn't destroyed his phone so he could find him which proved his state of mind was seriously lacking at the moment.

Exiting the bathroom with a forceful yet pain filled gait, Carter made her way to the door. Taylor got quickly to his feet and opened it for her. Finch secured his laptop and hesitantly took the lead as he guided the Carter's to his black Lincoln in the parking garage.

Sweat was pouring off of Reese as he tossed and turned on the shabby hotel mattress. He slept in small spurts until Taylor's frightened face flooded his mind forcing him awake to escape the pain it incurred.

Sitting upright quickly as he came awake with a jolt caused his head to spin and his stomach to revolt from the liquid diet it had been treated to over the last several hours. Taking deep, slow breaths prevented him from vomiting which would have made him feel better and he didn't want that. Once his stomach settled somewhat, he reached blindly for the table next to the bed knocking over two empty bottles of brandy before he grabbed a half filled one. He chugged the remaining contents and tried to let the warmth from the liquor overshadow the coldness in his chest but it wasn't working. Finally his body succumbed to the blackness he had been chasing since he arrived.

After paying the clerk an insignificant amount of money in Finch's mind but a half of year's salary for most he returned to the Lincoln with a room number and a key.

"I'm not sure what condition Reese will be in or how long this is going to take so why don't you take Taylor somewhere safe and I'll call you once the situation is under control," Carter said glancing back at Taylor.

"Mom, no let me go. It's my fault anyway," Taylor leaned up and placed his hand on his mother's shoulder.

Jocelyn covered her son's hand with her own to comfort him.

"John is not himself hon and he wouldn't want you to see him like that but I promise you he won't hurt me."

"I know mom, he wouldn't hurt me either," he said sorrowfully. "Please tell him I'm sorry" he said sincerely.

"I will," she said as she left the vehicle. "Finch, don't go too far."

"I won't. Call me if you need me," he said concern for John evident in his eyes.

"I will," she promised and made her way to John's room.

Jocelyn stood in front of John's door afraid of what she might find on the other side. She leaned her forehead against the door and said a quick prayer she was there in time. Using the key Finch provided she entered the room and saw the brandy bottles on the floor and John sprawled across the bed on his back.

"John," she yelled as she ran to the bed and shook him violently. He was completely unresponsive.

She placed her hand on his neck and laid her ear against his chest. She determined he was breathing shallowly and his pulse was erratic but strong. In the army she had seen this condition on several occasions and thankfully she knew how to treat him. As quickly as she could with the escalating throbbing in her chest, Carter filled the ice bucket half full of water and carried it and a trash can to the bedside. With no regard to her own injury she pulled John up to a sitting position and scooted in behind him.

Leaning back supporting the majority of John's weight and angling his head so he wouldn't choke, Carter used the ice bucket to poor a small amount of water in his mouth. As expected his body reflexively coughed expelling some of the water but allowing some to go down his throat. His dehydrated body hastily absorbed the water that got in causing his stomach to revolt. Jocelyn rolled him slightly toward the trash can just as his stomach ejected its contents forcefully. Holding his body through the violent convulsions, Carter refused to let go regardless of the pain it caused her. Eventually there was nothing left in John's stomach to dispel. The dry heaves that followed shook them both to the bone. Once they finally receded Carter forced more water down Reese's throat.

After a few healthy sips of water, his body relaxed. Carter could feel his deep, even, breaths alerting her that he was sleeping peacefully. Exhausted herself by the energy expended in supporting John as well as dealing with the pain of her injury, Carter fell asleep with John in her arms.

Two hours later Reese opened his eyes and as he had been trained scanned his surroundings without any extraneous movement to assess his environment. He recognized the drab room as he'd used it on several occasions. He also recognized the after effects of an alcohol binge as he had suffered many during his stint with the homeless. What he couldn't identify was the uncharacteristic softness underneath him and the faint smell of roses. Instantaneously Taylor's frightened face flashed in his mind and he sat up quickly knocking Carter into the headboard. Her whimper brought him to his feet and he wobbled a little as he turned and acknowledged her presence.

Reese was shocked beyond belief. Why was she here? She can't know what he'd done. He stumbled to the bathroom and rinsed his mouth out with a small bottle of mouthwash provided by the hotel. Then he thought about her surgery and he was concerned. He made his way back to the bed and knelt down and touched her cheek gently.

"Joss, wake up," he said softly.

Pain filled brown eyes met his blue ones.

"Why aren't you in the hospital," he asked worried?

"I had to find you," she said trying unsuccessfully to sit up.

"Did you talk to Taylor," he asked softly averting his gaze from her?

"Yes and he's very sorry," Jocelyn said as she reached for his chin to raise his head.

"He's sorry," Reese said incredulously as he pulled away from her. "I almost hurt him bad."

"Yes but you didn't even though he attempted to attack you from behind."

"It doesn't matter. He knows what I am now and he's afraid of me," John said with a tremble in his voice.

"Taylor knows you would never intentionally hurt him and he feels awful about this," Jocelyn said hoping she could reach him.

He contemplated what she said for a minute but he couldn't accept her words. He shook his head no as if physically denying her claims.

"I shouldn't be around him or you for that matter. You're too good for me. You deserve better," he said softly feeling his heart breaking.

Finding strength in her anger, Joss finally sat up.

"You don't get to decide for me, I'm an adult! Taylor was angry. He made a mistake. Get over it and stop wallowing in self loathing. You're better than that!"

Reese's head snapped towards her and his anger flared but his phone interrupted them alerting him of a message. He stormed to the phone and saw it was an audio file from Finch. He hit play and was floored when he heard Carter's voice.

_"John is not himself hon and he wouldn't want you to see him like that but I promise you he won't hurt me."_

_"I know mom, he wouldn't hurt me either. Please tell him I'm sorry."_

The anger left Reese immediately and he sat deflated on the end of the bed.

"I don't deserve this job, or you or Taylor," he said in a tortured voice.

Jocelyn scooted to the end of the bed and wrapped her arms around him. She waited for him to turn and face her.

"We all love you John and we know you're a good man. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to get you to see what I see."

John kissed her with everything he had hoping the words he didn't say were conveyed in his actions.


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

For three weeks Jocelyn had been waiting for this day. Reese had made her return to the hospital once he sobered up. Dr. Tillman had not been happy with either of them when she discovered Carter had ripped open a couple of surgical stitches while helping John in the hotel and John had a broken hand. She wrapped John's hand and replaced the stitches. Then Carter swore she made her remain there for seven days just to punish her. The only reason she kept her sanity was Taylor came to visit her every day after school before Finch showed up to take him to her mother's for the night and John spent every night regaling her with stories of his C.I.A. days until they both fell asleep in each other's arms.

After she'd been discharged, she'd felt better but her strength was elusive. Dr. Tillman gave Reese instructions for her care including no vigorous activity for at least another week. Sleeping in her own bed with John was wreaking havoc on her emotions. She was having the most sensual dreams but when she tried to make them a reality Reese would shut her down. He took his caretaker duties very seriously to her dismay. When the week was over Carter was sure Reese would jump at the chance to consummate their new relationship but he was still hesitant.

Tonight was the night if she had anything to say about it. She had stopped by the hospital on her lunch break to get checked out by Meghan who gave her a full bill of health. Dr. Tillman tried not to laugh too hard when Carter requested she text her results to John. Carter went back to work, caught up her paper work and left early to prepare for what she hoped would be a memorable night since Taylor was spending the night with one of his friends.

Reese was tracking a new number when he got the text message from Meaghan. As soon as he read it, his heart started racing. Jocelyn had made it obvious she was ready to take their relationship to the next level and now she'd just taken away his primary excuse.

Convincing her he was concerned for her safety had been difficult. After all he was only a man and to wake up with a beautiful woman rubbing against him without acting on it had taken a lot of will power.

What Jocelyn didn't know is that while he was nervous about hurting her, the truth was he was just nervous period. John had slept with a few women during C.I.A. ops as a means to an end but he hadn't been with a woman he cared about since Jessica and that had been years ago.

Jocelyn deserved the best and his technique was a little rusty. Every time he thought about making love to her his heartbeat accelerated. There was no avoiding her tonight after the message from the doc. He wanted to make sure she would be satisfied especially since he hadn't been able to say the words she needed to hear. It was so easy to tell Taylor but every time he tried to tell her the words stuck in his throat. Joss never got upset and she continued to tell him she loved him. Tonight he wasn't going to think about her previous experiences or his lack thereof. He was going to make her his in every way and he was looking forward to it.

When John arrived at Carter's home, he performed his normal sweeps of the neighborhood to make sure no one was watching her place before he entered. A couple of times he'd identified a C.I.A surveillance team but that had never stopped him he'd just climbed on the roof a few houses down the row and entered through Taylor's window. Even the first time he came through Taylor's window the boy didn't act surprised just invited John to join in his video game. He'd never forget the shocked look on Carter's face when she came to get Taylor for dinner and found them playing Modern Warfare. After the hospital incident Taylor and Reese had grown quite close through time they spent playing basketball, playing video games and Reese teaching Taylor self defense.

Tonight he didn't have to worry about those things because there was no one watching and Taylor was at a friend's place. He walked on the front porch about to use his key when he found a bouquet of flowers sitting next to the door. A growl came from deep in his chest as he knew he hadn't sent them. Just as he picked them up to determine who they were from the door opened to Jocelyn in a strapless form fitting red dress that took John's voice.

"John, you didn't have to," she said smiling and reaching for the flowers.

"You look, uh you are beautiful," Reese said trying to pull himself together.

Jocelyn turned and walked towards the kitchen flowers in hand. John followed her after locking the door enjoying the view as the dress hugged her curves.

"Joss, I wish I thought of them but I found those on the porch."

"Good I hate flowers. It's sad watching them die," she said smiling at him.

"Well let's at least see who they're from," Reese said with a cold smile.

"You're so sexy when you're jealous," Carter laughed.

"I'm not jealous," Reese spat out while pulling the card from the flowers.

"Thank you for saving my life," he read surprised.

They both knew who sent the card even though it had no name for said person was in witness protection while he awaited the trial for the Red Barons. Leave it to Jocelyn to get a white supremacist to send her flowers. Watching her smile at the kindness from Ogle brought all his emotions to the surface as he thought about how close he came to losing her. He walked over and kissed her forehead, her lips, and her ear.

"I love you Joss," he whispered softly in her ear.

She leaned back and looked up into his eyes as her own filled with tears. Pulling his head down to her, she kissed him with a fervor that quickly got out of control.

Before he knew what was happening Jocelyn's dress had been pulled up to her waist and his suit jacket and shirt had been removed. Jocelyn was unbuttoning his pants when he stopped her. She looked up at him with frustration.

"Not here baby," he said as he leaned down wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her to his eye level. Jocelyn instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Without breaking eye contact with her, John walked them to her bedroom passing the elaborate candle lit dinner setup Carter had been working on all evening.

"Is all that for me," he asked not taking his eyes off her?

"It was," she said as she leaned in and kissed him softly. Reese returned the kiss with enthusiasm without breaking stride or running into anything. When they reached her bed, John set her down on the ground and carefully removed her dress.

"I'll eat it later but right now my stomach is the last thing on my mind," Reese smiled as he looked down at his erection straining against his slacks.

"Let me help you with that," Joss laughed as she pulled down his pants. Reese kicked them out of the way and quickly removed the last of her clothing, a sexy red, lacy bra and panties set that made his mouth water.

Jocelyn Carter completely naked was something to behold. Every inch of her mocha colored skin was beautiful. She climbed on the bed and lay on her back beckoning him with her finger. Her eyes lit up and a sexy smile formed on her lips as he removed his boxers revealing his long, hard penis. She immediately reached for it as he climbed on the bed and covered her body with his but he pushed her hand away.

"If you touch me right now, this will be over before it starts," he said as he trailed kisses from her mouth to her breast.

She moaned loudly as he grabbed her left breast with his good hand and suckled the right one worrying the nipple gently with his teeth. He soothed the agitated nipple with his tongue as he shifted his hand from her other breast to the dark curls of her sex. Carter's legs opened wider as he inserted a finger into her heat. The wetness and heat that covered his fingers sent him over the edge. John positioned himself at her entrance and concentrated his deep blue gaze on her face.

"I love you," he said as he plunged deeply into her causing her to yell out his name. Buried deep inside her, his body was trembling with the desire to move. Even though she'd been ready for him the fit was so tight, he was afraid he had hurt her with his rushed entry. He wanted to ask but he was totally incapable of speech. After a few seconds he felt her pull him to her and place soft kisses on his ear.

"I love you too," she whispered and Reese growled in response as he began thrusting his hips frantically. Joss matched his rhythm as her body joined the dance and it didn't take long before they both flew over the edge shouting each other's names.

After taking a few moments to catch his breath, Reese rolled them over so Joss was lying on him instead of him crushing her with his large frame.

"Wow," Joss said nuzzling her head under his chin!

"Here I thought I'd be rusty," Reese said smiling.

"If that was rusty," Jocelyn said raising her head to look at him, "then I don't know if I can handle you all oiled up."

Reese pulled her to him for a long, slow kiss and they fell asleep until John's growling stomach woke them up two hours later.

"How about that dinner," Reese asked as Joss sat up rubbing the sleep from her eyes?

"Sure give me a second," she said as she grabbed some clothes and headed for the bathroom. John put on his boxers and t-shirt and waited patiently for Joss. She exited the bathroom in silky shorts and a tank top almost making him want to forgo dinner again.

"Later lover boy," she said noticing the look in his eyes. She grabbed his hand and led him down to the table. "You light the candles I'll get the food."

Carter warmed the plates of pot roast potatoes and green beans in the microwave while John lit the candles. They sat down to eat as John entertained her with funny stories about Finch when the door opened which brought John to his feet. Before they could react Taylor walked into the dining room and stopped dead in his tracks.

He looked at John in his boxers and his mother in her night clothes along with the fancy dinner setup and understood immediately why John's suit jacket and dress shirt were on the floor in the kitchen. While Reese had been sleeping over since his mom had been discharged from the hospital, he figured they hadn't slept together because of his mom's injuries but obviously things had changed.

"Don't mind me I just came to pick up a game I left," he said as he gave them a knowing smirk and ran to retrieve his game.

"So embarrassing," Joss said dropping her head to her hands.

"I'm sure he knew it was coming," Reese said walking over and placing supporting hands on her shoulders. I've been staying here for two weeks and we haven't been hiding our relationship.

"I know," Carter said lifting her head "it's just awkward."

Taylor walked back through waving his game and heading toward the kitchen. He was about to leave when he turned and peaked his head back in the dining room.

"I hope you kids used protection," he said as he turned and ran out the door laughing at his own joke.

If he would've stayed longer he would have seen both adults look up with deer in head lights shocked facial expressions.

Reese sat heavily in the chair across from Carter.

Jocelyn started thinking about diapers, night feedings, potty training and she decided she was way too old for a baby.

John started thinking about a beautiful little girl with butterscotch colored skin and beautiful brown eyes like Jocelyn.

"Well, if you are, I hope it's a girl," John said grinning.

Joss' head snapped up and when she saw the look on Reese's face she couldn't help but smile. She knew the likelihood of her being pregnant after that one time was slim but she also knew this man would stand by her no matter what. With him all things were possible.


	7. Epilogue 2

_I'm still working on my other project but there are so many stories floating around in my head about these two, I have to release some. So first I want to write another chapter for Protecting Hate for Jazphace who requested one._

Protecting Hate Epilogue 2

"You just have to go overboard with everything don't you," Jocelyn snapped on the way back to the car.

John couldn't stop grinning even though she was obviously upset by the news. He knew the look on his face wasn't helping her attitude but he just couldn't help it. "Calm down babe," he said attempting to comfort her.

"No I'm not. How the hell is this going to work genius?"

Reese reached out and grabbed Carter's hand stopping her progress and pulling her to him. She found herself inches away from his face frozen by his piercing blue gaze. "We're going to make this work together with some help from our friends," he said and then he pressed several soft kisses on her lips in broad daylight in the middle of the day.

Releasing her frustration in the kiss John started, Carter took control and pushed her tongue into John's mouth and the tempo of the kiss leapt to a fever pitch. When a loud moan from deep in her chest reached his ears, Reese realized they were making out in the middle of the sidewalk for anyone to see and he pulled back abruptly.

"Come on beautiful," he said pulling her towards the car he'd borrowed from Finch's fleet. "You make me forget people are looking for me and you're supposed to be one of them."

"Don't remind me. I'm tempted to arrest your ass right now but then I'd have to do this by myself," Carter pouted.

"You'll never be by yourself again because no matter what happens I will always do whatever it takes to get back home to you," he said fiercely as he helped her sit in the passenger's seat.

Carter couldn't help but smile even though she was still agitated. She knew she was being unreasonable but she really had no idea how this was going to work. As they headed to the library she studied Reese's profile as he drove. He could barely contain his excitement. His thumbs were drumming a steady rhythm on the steering wheel. He still had a silly grin on his face and there was a definite light in his eyes. It really wasn't fair of her to dampen his good spirits.

"This doesn't scare you even a little," she asked shocked?

"No, what's done and done and there are no other options," his smile dropped at the last statement and he turned a hard stare on Joss.

"I know that Reese, don't look at me like that," she got angry again at his implication. They rode the rest of the way in an uncomfortable silence. When they arrived, Carter exited the vehicle before Reese could help and made her way up the stairs as fast as her growing belly would allow her.

Finch knew John and Joss had returned when Bear's ears shot up and he positioned himself in-between Finch and the entrance to the room. Absently petting Bear to soothe him, Harold was anxious to hear how the appointment with Jocelyn's doctor went. He was surprised to see Jocelyn enter the room first with an angry look on her face.

"Is everything alright, detective," Finch said coming to his feet as Bear rushed over to Jocelyn?

"Talk to your employee," she said sadly walking through to the small bedroom in the back with Bear at her heels.

Finch turned and glared at Reese as he entered the room. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," he answered holding up his hands in a surrendering gesture, "she's just scared so she's lashing out at me."

"Scared of what," Finch asked concerned?

"Twins," John said with a huge smile.

Harold's expression was comical as he processed the news. "Oh my, no wonder she's shaken."

"What's the difference between one and two," John asked nonchalantly?

"Says the man with no children," Finch said shaking his head. "Two babies require a lot more attention especially if they're not on the same schedule."

"So we will just put them on the same schedule, problem solved."

"Babies don't do what you want them to do, they kind of have a mind of their own Mr. Reese," Finch said shaking his head at him. "Have you thought about how you two are going to be able to handle two babies with your schedules?"

"Well Finch I'm thinking you and I will have to handle the babies during the day while Joss is at work and I'll try to save the risky situations for the evenings after she picks them up," he said thoughtfully.

"You really think this is going to be that easy," Finch shook his head in disbelief? His fingers began to fly over the keyboard as he pulled up information and helpful hints on dealing with multiples. "Mr. Reese you need to sit here and educate yourself for a little while," Finch said as he vacated his seat and motioned for John to sit. "I pulled up enough information to keep you busy for at least an hour. Maybe Carter won't be so angry then and you could talk to her," Harold suggested pointedly.

Reese made his way to the computer and sat down. After only a couple of minutes he was completely oblivious to Finch or anything as he read article after article about multiples resulting in difficult pregnancies, dangers to the babies as well as the mother. Finch had also opened some blogs written by parents with newborn multiples who talked about how hard it was to keep up with the babies and maintain some kind of routine. An hour and ten minutes later, John was terrified for both Joss and their unborn children and he quickly understood why Jocelyn reacted the way she did.

He wasn't surprised to discover Finch had vacated the area sometime during his "lesson." John rose and slowly made his way back to the small bedroom in the back he occupied from time to time and more recently Jocelyn used for daytime naps when she wanted to be near him. As he approached the door, he heard soft weeping and he instantly felt like the world's biggest ass. He pushed the door open gently and his heart seized a little at the sight of Jocelyn curled in a ball on the small bed with her back to him crying softly. Bear who was lying on the other side of Jocelyn trying to comfort her lifted his head and growled at Reese. Ignoring his command to get down, Bear showed his allegiance to Carter. John growled at the dog and repeated the command and Bear grudgingly conceded giving him a dirty look as he settled in the corner to watch Reese carefully.

Reese walked over and sat down at the end of the bed then reached over and gently rubbed Joss' back.

"Please don't cry," he pleaded. "I'm an ass and I'm sorry." He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. "I was being inconsiderate please forgive me," he asked sincerely?

"How could you think I would do something to hurt our kids," Carter choked out?

"What? I don't think that at all," Reese said confused.

"When I asked you if you were scared you said no there were no other options and then you looked at me like I was suggesting not having them or something," Carter said brokenly.

"No love," John said as he lay down beside her and wrapped her in a tight embrace. "I know you would never hurt our kids and the more time I spend with Taylor I realize how lucky my kids are going to be to have you as a mother," he said softly in her ear. "When I said there were no other options for a brief second I thought of what some women might have done and I was angry but not at you."

Jocelyn stopped crying and turned around in his arms to face him.

"You know I love our babies as much as Taylor but I really don't know how this is going to work," she said worriedly.

Reaching up and wiping the moisture from her face gently with his hand Reese said, "We are going to have lots of help. Your mom, Finch, Fusco, and I have a few people I can call in a pinch."

Carter's brown eyes were fixed on him seeking reassurance and support. John knew in that moment he would move heaven and earth to give her what she needed.

"I'll hire a full time nanny, a live in if you want to help us for as long as you need but you know I'm going to be with you every step of the way changing diapers, night time feedings the whole nine," Reese said moving his hand to her belly and rubbing gently. Joss felt some of her anxiety dissipate in John's matter of fact response. He didn't seem worried at all and she trusted him to make everything right. She smiled at him for the first time since they left for the doctor that morning.

"I guess you and Taylor both get your wish, a little brother for him and a daughter for you, Carter said finally feeling some of the joy Reese felt about the babies.

John pressed his lips against hers slowly and tenderly. He pulled back and focused his eyes on hers.

"No, you are my wish. The kids are the physical representation of how much I love you."

"Well Daddy, I guess you better make sure your little physical representations have all their fingers and toes," she said as she climbed on top of him with a lusty smile on her face.

3 months later

"Joss, what are you doing," Reese asked when she answered the phone?

"I was just going to walk to the corner store to get some pickles," she said guiltily.

"You do understand bed rest means you have to stay in bed right," he asked trying not to agitate her?

"John, it's been three weeks. I just need to stretch my legs," she whined.

"I know hon but your balance is a little off. You do remember that scare we had when you fell down leaving the precinct last month." Reese's heart accelerated just remembering how helpless he'd been then.

He'd been tailing a number when he got the frantic call from Fusco. Reese damn near killed himself on the Ducati on the way to the police station. Lucky for him Finch already knew what to expect and had two bodyguards waiting when he arrived. As soon as he jumped off the bike he was grabbed and pulled into the back of a black van where Finch was waiting.

Reese was fighting the men with all he had until Harold's calming voice reached him.

"John I need you to calm down," he said softly. "I saw Carter fall as she walked down the front steps of the station. Lionel grabbed her and while he couldn't stop her fall he did slow her down so she didn't hit the ground as hard. Dr. Tillman sent our friend Markus to pick her up so if you relax you will see she is fine and in good hands and we can go meet her at the hospital."

Reese stopped struggling and glared at Finch.

"If you go charging up there you'll get arrested and you won't be around to raise your children," Finch said hurting for his friend.

At the mention of his kids, Reese closed his eyes and regained control of himself.

"Let me see her," Reese said opening his eyes and letting Finch see his desperation.

Finch motioned for the men to let him go and he leapt to the front of the van and scanned the crowd of onlookers until he saw Joss on a stretcher being loaded in the ambulance by Markus Powers whom he recognized from when Joss had been shot.

"Take me to her," he said slightly above a whisper as his eyes fixated on her until she disappeared in the back of the ambulance.

Everything had turned out fine but Reese had insisted Jocelyn take a leave of absence until after the babies were born. She argued against it but she lost when her doctor put her on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy.

Reese and Finch had set her up at both her home and the library but in the last week, the steps at the library were impossible to manage. John knew she was miserable and he felt bad for her but he was more concerned for her safety and the health of the babies.

"I'm ten minutes away and I already have your pickles," he said soothingly.

"Fine," Carter said deflated. She was going stir crazy but after her fall she wouldn't risk hurting her kids.

"I can't imagine how hard it is for you but just think in a few weeks we get to hold our son and daughter and it will all be worth it," Reese said smiling.

"You're right. I'm sorry I'm being such a pain."

"You're not being a pain and just relax I'll be there soon," John said disconnecting the call.

"Here you go mom," Taylor said entering the room with a tray of olives and hot sauce, one of his mother's favorite new snacks that almost made him gag.

"You said you weren't going to tell John about me going to the store," Carter accused.

"I didn't tell him mom. He's probably got you under surveillance because he knows you," Taylor said smiling.

Carter stared at her son intently but he didn't relent so she believed him but she would be glad when the pregnancy was over so she could stop being helpless.

"I'm in the kitchen studying for a test. Just call me if you need me," Taylor said as he left the room. Technically he didn't lie to his mother. He hadn't called John, he'd called Finch. Knowing how stubborn his mother was he figured he'd better keep a close eye on her because he was really looking forward to being a big brother to the twins.

Later that night everyone was sleeping when Jocelyn awoke to a sharp pain in her back. She hadn't alerted John or Taylor to the small contractions she'd started feeling just before dinner because she figured they were false labor and she didn't want to worry them. Now she recognized her mistake as the pain she was feeling now was certainly real labor. She attempted to sit up just as she felt a rush of liquid between her legs.

"John wake up," she said shaking his shoulder. "My water just broke."

"I'll fix it in the morning," Reese mumbled half asleep.

"JOHN," Carter yelled as another contraction hit hard!

Reese shot up wide awake ready to fight and instantly became aware of the bed being wet. He turned to Joss and saw the pain in her face. Grabbing his phone from the bedside table, he quickly speed dialed Finch.

"Finch her water broke," he said frantically!

"Mr. Reese, help Jocelyn get dressed, grab the bag you two packed last week and there will be a car waiting for you downstairs," Finch said calmly.

John's heart was racing. So many things were going through his mind at one time, he couldn't focus. Finally Carter's yell penetrated his haze and he jumped into motion.

"I'm right here babe, squeeze my hands," he said placing his hands in hers. He was surprised by her strength as he swore he felt his bones grinding when she squeezed them through her contraction. Once it was over he pulled Joss up and helped her into the bathroom. He helped her clean up and get dressed. Another contraction hit just as they were exiting the bathroom. John held onto her tightly whispering his support in her ear.

Once it was over he sat her down at the edge of the bed, got dressed and went to wake Taylor. He made it back to Joss just as another contraction hit and he knew they were coming closer together. After holding her through the pain, he handed the bag to Taylor as the sleepy teen made his way to the door. With Reese assisting Carter down the stairs, the trio made their way outside to a waiting minivan with a driver posted outside the door waiting to assist.

Finch thought of everything. The center seat was removed and a circular mattress was strapped to the floor. Taylor climbed in first and got settled in the bench in the rear of the van. Reese climbed in and settled on the mattress and the driver helped Jocelyn into his arms. Once they were settled, he closed the door and took off towards an undisclosed location driving carefully with the precious cargo in the back.

In less than fifteen minutes they arrived at a closed down medical clinic and the driver pulled around the rear. Dr. Tillman and Markus were waiting with a wheelchair when they pulled up.

"What the Hell is this?" John snapped looking around at the dilapidated building with disgust, "she's not having our kids here."

Another contraction hit Jocelyn hard and she yelled causing John and Taylor to jump. Markus quickly made his way to the vehicle and began moving Joss and Reese helped without further argument. Once they entered the building, Reese immediately noted Finch's touch as the inside of the building was immaculate and spotless. He did not fail to notice the expensive new machinery stationed strategically throughout the building as well. When they finally reached their destination a door near the end of a long a hall, John was surprised when they entered a fully stocked delivery room where Finch and Jocelyn's doctor were waiting.

"You did all this for us," John asked in awe as he fixed his gaze on Harold.

"Well actually I purchased this place after Snow's partner almost killed you and I have doctor's, surgeons, and other necessary specialists who I pay more than enough to report here if I need them," Finch said looking away slightly embarrassed. "I made this addition after learning of Detective Carter's pregnancy figuring there was no way to keep you from the birth of your child and it would be too dangerous for you at the hospital."

"Thank you," Reese said with a voice heavy with emotion. In all his years of working for his country whether the Army or the C.I.A., they had drilled into him the mission was paramount and he was expendable. While Finch was fixated on saving the numbers, he made sure Reese understood that Finch considered him a valuable asset worth saving. Every day he was amazed by the compassion of the reclusive billionaire.

Carter's pain filled yell brought everyone's attention back to why they were there. Dr. Tillman shooed everyone out of the room with the exception of John who wouldn't leave and together they changed her into a comfortable gown and got her situated on the delivery bed.

After a quick examination by her gynecologist who determined the babies were coming now, everyone assumed their positions. Dr. Tillman stood behind ready to assist Dr. Amari who was sitting on a stool positioned to guide the babies out. Reese stood next to the bed constantly wiping sweat from Jocelyn and providing words of encouragement as she pushed on command. Taylor and Finch were outside waiting anxiously for the arrival of the new additions with Markus Powers who was waiting to transfer the detective and her newborns to the hospital after delivery so they could be documented properly and examined thoroughly. Dr. Amari only agreed to deliver the children in Finch's clinic after he agreed they would be taken to the hospital shortly after for a full examination and legal documentation of their birth.

In less than an hour Dr. Amari saw a head of dark curls crowning and she tenderly pulled out the first baby and she alerted everyone of her arrival with a boisterous cry. Dr. Amari gently wiped the little lady clean and offered John the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord which he nervously accepted. His heart was pounding in his chest as he snipped the cord and took the first look at the little miracle him and Jocelyn had created. She was absolutely gorgeous just like he'd pictured her with beautiful golden skin and a head full of dark curly hair. Once Dr. Tillman wrapped her in a blanket and placed her in his arms he could see her beautiful brown eyes that were identical to her mothers. In that moment he knew he would never be the same and his heart filled to capacity with a love he hadn't thought was possible as he presented her to her mother.

Jocelyn managed a weak smile as she reached out and tenderly rubbed the soft skin of her daughter's face.

"You did so well," John said with tears in his eyes, "she's so beautiful just like her mother."

Before Jocelyn could respond another contraction hit her hard.

"Ok dad, why don't you let Meghan take a look at your daughter while we work on your son," Dr. Amari said encouragingly.

Reese did not want to let go of his daughter but he could see Joss was exhausted and she needed him so he reluctantly handed the baby to Dr. Tillman and reassumed his position next to Jocelyn. He bent over and kissed her softly.

"I know you're tired babe but just a little bit longer and you can rest. I'm so proud of you. I love you so much," he said stroking her hand.

Carter was so tired but Reese's words gave her the energy to keep pushing and it didn't take long before their son made his appearance with much less fanfare than his sister. He made one short cry as the doctor received him and then silence. After allowing Reese to sever the cord the two doctors thoroughly examined the newest addition and found him healthy but they were both perplexed by his silence.

John was nervous because of the doctors' reactions but when he looked down at Jocelyn she was smiling. Once they were sure the boy was fine they handed him to John and he was once again floored by how full his heart felt while holding his son. After kissing him softly, he handed him to his mother.

"Hey little man," she said and gently rubbed the dark curls on his head and his eyelids fluttered open to reveal grey-blue eyes identical to his father. "Just what I thought, the strong silent type," Jocelyn said smiling as she admired her son. Within minutes she was dozing off.

"John we still have a little more work to do, so why don't you go introduce the babies while we get Jocelyn taken care of," Meghan suggested.

Reese wanted to introduce the twins to Taylor and Finch but he didn't want to leave Joss.

Dr. Tillman laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'll take good care of her John, just like before."

Acknowledging her with a slight nod, Reese took another long reassuring look at Jocelyn before pushing the baby cart out to the waiting area to introduce the twins to the rest of their family.

When the door to the delivery room door opened, Taylor, Finch and the newly arrived Detective Fusco came to their feet. As soon as Reese got the cart out the door he was surrounded by three curious faces.

"This is Lincoln Lacy Carter," he said pointing to his son wrapped securely in a soft blue blanket, "and Leia Lacy Carter," he said motioning toward the baby in the pink blanket.

Taylor immediately picked up Lincoln and held him carefully in his arms while Fusco grabbed baby Leia.

Finch looked at John smiling at the two tough guys cooing over his children and he thought back to a conversation they had just a few weeks ago.

"Joss wants the kids to have my name," John said wearily as he paced anxiously across the library.

"Well traditionally that's how it goes," Finch said but he had been wondering about that issue as well.

"Finch you know that can't happen. There can be no paper trail from me to them," Reese said sorrowfully.

"John I think what she really wants is to have some link no matter how tenuous that says they are yours as well as hers."

"I want that too, but I don't know how to accomplish that without putting them in danger," Reese said frustrated with his complicated existence for the first time.

"The name you were given is not necessarily the name that defines you so think about what name you would've chosen for yourself."

John stopped in his tracks and suddenly he smiled and Finch could see the burden lift from his shoulders. "Thanks Harold, as usual you are a genius," John said as he left in a hurry.

Later he knew Reese purposely left his phone on so Finch could hear him tell Carter the story about his maternal grandfather , grandpa Lacy, who practically raised him after his father left when he was a toddler until his death when John was thirteen. His mother had never had her fathers last name because her mother wouldn't marry him so no paper trail led from the Lacy name to him. He wanted the kids to have that name to honor his grandfather who always said he should've been a Lacy because he had the Lacy eyes and complexion. Jocelyn had been delighted to have a name for the kids that meant something to him. John decided to name their son Lincoln after a fallen soldier who'd saved his life in the Army and Joss named Leia after her first partner who was killed in the line of duty.

Brought back to the present by Fusco handing him Leia, Finch found himself smiling at the tiny face scowling in her sleep reminding him of her father.

John couldn't believe how drastically different his life was from two years ago. He went from being a bum trying to drink himself to death to a man with a job he could be proud of and a father to three beautiful kids and a husband to a woman so incredible he still had a hard time believing she loved him. Speaking of which soon they would have to share with everyone that John had Judge Gates marry them weeks ago. Reese had wanted to shout it from the rooftops immediately after but Joss thought with all the commotion in their lives at the time it would be better to keep their marriage a secret until after the babies were born.

Two weeks later Jocelyn smiled from the door of the nursery in the their new home, a wedding gift from Finch, as her husband was sound asleep in the rocking chair with Leia sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. She had a wide awake Lincoln resting on her shoulder gurgling happily. As usual he had out lasted Taylor and was playing quietly while the teenager snored loudly when she picked him up to take him to bed. Her baby boy was definitely a night owl like his father.

While her life was complicated and busy, Jocelyn knew she wouldn't change a thing because she'd never been happier!


End file.
